I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
