The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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