I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize