u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
