Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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