I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
