i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
