I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
