Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
