So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
