i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
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Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
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My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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