so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM VODKA MAN
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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