I love black thongs
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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