Its about making memories worth repressing
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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