My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
