I'm jealous of your bromance
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
