yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
