Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
