I murdered the dance floor call the cops
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
