Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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