Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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