I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
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He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
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No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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