She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Girls should come with a carfax report
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
