I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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