I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
