I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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