the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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