i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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