positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
