She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
