I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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