Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
