one word: firstdatebathroomanal
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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