in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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