I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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