I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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