Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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