I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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