My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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