never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Randomize
