At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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