Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
