these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
