Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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