It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
