Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
