oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Randomize
