My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
