i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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