I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
