i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
