Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
The air taste purple.
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