We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
How does it feel to date your dad?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
