Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize