So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
