I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
