Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
