that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
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Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
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Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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