forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
