4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
