So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Randomize
