Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
