I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Drunk is not a location!
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
