I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Randomize
