I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize