why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
